This piece is fuelled by an interaction with a psychiatrist that wanted to put me on extra medication because I openly told him that I hear voices, that I consider helpful guidance. I felt judged and a lack of understanding, lack of open-mindedness – and anger. I also felt threatened. I had never met this doctor before and I felt he did it out of fear.
I feel I have developed a strength and a resilience because of my mental health experiences. When fingers are pointing at me as the ‘problem’ I now look within and see how I can change myself for the better. In this way I am gaining from the experience – I am growing. I am closer to coming off medication. I try to be open and authentic with psychiatrists, as they need to be educated, however this can leave me vulnerable at times.
So, in order to grow and take my power back from this interaction, I need to ask myself, what is upsetting me. ‘I am angry with the psychiatrist because he threatened me with medication’. So I need to look at myself now and turn it inwards: ‘I am angry with myself because I threatened myself with medication’. I then ask myself is this true. It is abstract but yes, it is true. I believed he had power over me. Then I ask myself what I need to feel loved – as it all comes back to loving ourselves. I need to remember who I am – that I am a powerful creator. I create my own reality. I need to remember all the inner work I have done on myself. I need to remember that other’s opinions of me are none of my business and that I can’t change anyone but myself. I need to give myself the love I deserve. When this exercise is complete, one is no longer triggered by the issue. (This technique is known as ‘the mirror exercise’ – instructions on YouTube)
The fact that I was highly triggered was partly because I have a big ‘why’ for coming off it (medication). Everything happens for a reason and the COVID lockdown put many of us in a place of solitude in order to go within and discover our own power and answers.
I have been doing all I can over the last few years to raise my frequency. I have meditated and done yoga daily, I stopped eating meat for some time, I go out in nature, I am healing family relationships by looking at myself, I studied the law of attraction and healing, and gave myself lots of energy healing.
The peace I have found has given me the confidence to work with the psychiatric team in coming off my medication. Medication has served a purpose for me. It has been a necessary evil in my life for over 20 years but now due to the work I have done on myself and this time in history I feel it is time to ween off it. The medication is toxic and lowers frequency. Of course, discernment is needed in order to know if it is the time to come it or not.
In the past I came off medication abruptly and had breakthroughs/kundalini awakenings. The soul knows the way. Yes, my mental health was affected at these times, but they were part of my awakening journey. It is my belief that we are all on the path to enlightenment – we are all on the journey home. It may or may not happen in this lifetime. These psychotic episodes/kundalini awakenings are part of the opening up and surrendering process that are necessary for enlightenment.
If you are on the journey, continue to go within, to heal those parts of yourself that need nurturing and care. To become a healer we must first heal ourselves. We never stop growing, healing and evolving but there eventually comes a point where we can say ‘I am whole’. Being triggered is a gift. It shows us what we need to look at within ourselves. It is not the destination; it is the growth in the journey that brings contentment.
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Thanks for writing this.
I resonate with so much of it.
Spiritual awakening or mania?
The most terrifying experience of my life.