Growing Pains

How many re-births can one have in one’s lifetime?
And does it depend entirely upon how many times one allows oneself to die
Having lived that phase as fully
And completely as possible?
Squeezing from it the last dregs of sap;
And of life.
The world closes in.
Seeming small again. And dark. And bleak.
I lie here.
And exhale.
And marvel at what has come and what has gone.
With the certainty of the seasons
That this descent is necessary.
New life;
Fed from the decay of the old.
Traumas as plant-food.
And rest in the pause. In the pain. In the loss.
And then gently stretch; The edges of the underbelly.
Testing, peeking, Seeking;
The wonder and awe
Of what’s yet to come.
Expansion is painful;
Like growing pains.
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After 10+ years of prescriptions and labels, hospitals and crises, self-harm and suicidality, Nicola now practices as a Shamanic Practitioner as well as continuing her work in Social Care. By changing her internal narrative from being a problem to be fixed or eradicated to a compassionate understanding that all mental illness stems from soul loss, Nicola has found her way out of the medicalized system and is passionate about helping others find their path towards recovery and in developing an integrated acceptance of themselves and their experiences.