The most dangerous night of my life I had been smoking weed, I had been hearing my friends trying to scare me and threaten me out of the walls but it never scared me, it was more like minor bullying although strange events had surrounded me since the start of hearing them. But this night was bad.
I think the main reason people don’t like the diagnosis of schizophrenia is the presence of what Carl Jung called “synchronicities.” These are things when people actually do read your mind or are undeniably in touch with the voices they hear. So saying you have a brain disease just doesn’t cut it.
Anyway this night [being in a different country in university] the voices went about trying to convince me to kill myself. They started off rationally saying I would be better off then it changed to that I was the reincarnation of a demon called “Hellix” and after several hours I tried to stab myself then cut my wrist.
I looked down upon myself, trapped in this tower block of strangers and friends who only poisoned my mind. I bit the bullet and I phoned up my parents and said, wait for it….
“I’m schizophrenic, I’ve cut my wrist, take me home.”
And they did. I told my friends who hadn’t gone to university that I was “schizophrenic.” I wasn’t “schizophrenic” it was easier to tell them I was than to tell them about being gaslighted by a hostile group who get a kick out of doing this, who plan out what they are going to do. I led a horrific existence. If you don’t know what “gaslighting” is, it’s using social psychology to make one doubt their mind and sanity.
I will give examples if you were to do this, things like always saying you don’t understand what the victim is saying and constantly asking for clarification like the person never makes sense. Or listening to the victim’s ideas then bringing it up next time like they said it, or all of them will wrongly describe or argue a point that’s obviously wrong but everyone will participate and agree. As the victim begins to doubt themselves the games get more elaborate and enjoyable for them, they won’t leave you alone, they enjoy it and bring others in. It often happens when you’re new to a place and are invited to “hang out.” Black psychology.
And the voices and paranoia have been established.
But my main job was to build myself up again, mentally I’d received a kicking. I’d have to build up, but in an environment where I shared my mind with voices and tried to culture compassion and immerse myself in a brutal regime of spiritual reform. It did the job.
I don’t have schizophrenia. This experience happens to one percent of the population. 99% of us have experienced being monitored and psychologically beaten up. There are no “build a tougher mind” classes where one is taught how to think in a way that hurts or beats the voices. This is possible with dedication and a decision to do battle for the good and help your fellow man. You might have lived only helping yourself and only loving those who love you. This makes you no better than the voices! You have to be better than them.
And without doing this books like the Bible or Bhagavad gita wont make any sense. Being given the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia means you have faced mental brutality and that hurts, you’ve broken a few bones in the mind.
Everyone you know believes you’re crazy and damaged. Prove them wrong. Some people won’t like what I’m saying but voices talk to the mind so you must be strong in the mind, there’s no denying this. People around you may not hear voices but they can also be weak spiritually and lead an easy life. This is unfair but there is nothing you can do to rectify this.
Also some diagnosed schizophrenics believe in justice that someday the people who work through such things as “thought generation machines” will have their day in court and everyone will realise you were right. Again I don’t think this will happen.
“Paranoid schizophrenia” alienates you from society. Society says you have to admit that everything you have gone through and going through was in your head. Your brain is upset, it’s not “your fault” but you’re “dangerous.”
You don’t have to live like this! Don’t ever be afraid of going against the general consensus, be suspicious of new groups, and especially ones that use drugs. Stay away from drugs, I think they hinder psychic defence that sometimes you need to think immediately but on drugs you just say “I’ll do this later!!” No good.
Anyone has the ability to be powerful and this is dangerous and there is a media blackout, if one in a hundred hear voices and I estimate 90% think they’re being monitored or watched this is a big thing! I chose to make myself powerful to defeat the voices rather than lie down.
What is power with voices? A silent mind, every time you think, you think because you are sharing the thought, not reasoning. Learn buddhist dharma, things included here are eliminating “suffering.” Which can include allowing yourself to be defined by future goals, which limits your consciousness. And that charity is the ultimate action.
In conclusion, don’t lie down. If you are hearing voices and are no longer being or have been gaslighted it’s because (in my view) you’re a danger to society’s equilibrium, and society’s equilibrium is a horrible thing. So many people are poor. Third world countries stuck in a cycle of debt to the world bank making their citizens lives a daily struggle. Or trapped in bad psychiatry.
Although if charity isn’t your highest principle and you embark on this route of power, beware.
I am of the Christian faith and it gives me peace.